You might be familiar with a book called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. It’s a book devoted to meditations on not worrying about the myriad of things we tend to stress over in life. It has spawned a number of other books, including a series by Bruce Bickle and Stan Janz called God is in the Small Stuff…and It All Matters.

Early last week, I began to stress over a potential life change I have no control over. Forgive me for not mentioning it in specific but that is part of the point of this post. Mind you, the change is no small thing and with no disrespect to the authors of the first title above, this is NOT small stuff.

As with most change, I feel stress. What is on the other side? Will my family and I be taken care of? Where is God in the midst of all this? All of these things I began to lift to my Father in heaven. IN the midst of those prayers, I was directed back to a familiar portion of Scripture in Paul’s letter to the Philippians.

Be anxious for NOTHING, but in ALL things by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7, emphasis added.

There are many things we stress over day to day and it’s small stuff. God invites us to give these to him through prayer. Somewhere along the way, I think I learned that the bigger the issue, the more right I had to be stressed and live in that stress. Go ahead, I reasoned, don’t sweat the small stuff. But if it’s big, then make sure you take the stress seriously!

What dawned on my conscious was that there is NOTHING I should be stressing over in a persistent manner. ANYTHING that would concern my heart should become a signal to seek my Father’s face.

As I have done this with the potential change, I have found His peace in the remembrance that I am his beloved and He will take care of us. He has not alleviated the circumstances nor made life easier. The situation is still unsettled at best. He has made me aware that HE is aware. How much more then should I sweat anything? As Jesus told us in his mountain top sermon, “Do not worry then …”

We just returned from Hartland Christian Camp, where the speaker reminded us that God has a Sabbath rest for us that we enter into only as we allow God to lay bare our souls before Him and His word (Hebrews 4). As we give up control and the things that control us, God gives us mercy. He reminds us that Jesus was tempted as we were in these same things and persevered without sinning. He knows our stress first hand and invites us to rest.

I am not claiming victory at this point. Along with this potential change is my concern for where life is going in the future. I do not feel like I have any say in the script as much as I would like to write it. What I do have is a new scripture focus for this season of life. Don’t stress ANY stuff, but learn to rest in the Lord. That rest comes with an exchange – give the Lord control over the script and He will keep my heart at rest. Give up my control and He will see to it we are cared for. Check back with me in a week or two to see how rested I am.

I enjoyed an early morning run today…well, jog walk.  I have not run for a while and it feels like I am starting over.  I noted on Facebook that a friend also ran today and could feel he was not at his best because he has been sick. 

The trail allows some solitude time.  Today, I turned over thoughts in my head about discipleship.  I considered how many times I have felt that I should be at a different place in following Jesus.  Just like myrunning, I shouldn’t feel like I am ever starting over…though there are times that is exactly what my following feels like.  Shouldn’t I be more mature or more loving or more … something?

It struck me that the problem with this thinking is that it focuses my progress in following Christ on me and not on my teacher, Jesus.  He is the one I am aiming to be like and he is the one teaching the lessons.  I am in the “class” that he wants me in.  Granted, I can slow the process by not learning from him or by letting myself get tangled up in my own life.  He is a patient teacher.

When I get focused on where Ithink I should be, I lose sight of the focus of my following – Jesus.  What did the writer of Hebrews say, “Let us fix our eyes on Christ, the author and perfector of our faith.”  When we are fixed on him, then we will know where we should be in his teaching us.

The aim of discipleship is to follow and become like our Master; the purpose of discipleship is to make us influencers and blessers of others in Jesus’ name and for His kingdom.

Once again, regardless of where we think we should be, it’s really about where He has us.

A couple of weeks ago, I happened across a picture of a pastor preaching at his church on a website.  I suddenly felt deflated.  The raw emotions that accompany depression swept over me.  I didn’t know what was going on.  All I could think was, “I used to do that…”

So what was going on?  I couldn’t figure it out.  I spent the afternoon on the edge of tears.  It took me until the next morning to figure it out.  I was grieving.  That picture reminded me of what I used to do on a regular basis, something I truly enjoyed doing as a pastor.  While I miss the pastoral role as a whole, I particularly miss that piece. 

So why did it spring out right then?  Probably because this is one of the first moments where I was not preoccupied with something else.  When I resigned a year ago, I concentrated on the move that we planned.  When we got to Fresno, I had to find a job, then look at our living situation.  With many of the major things settled for now, I turned my gaze to what was next.

My soul needed a moment to grieve what was behind me. 

So I have been grieving this loss the way I might grieve losing a member of my family.  I have been doing better, but a saddness remains for the time being.  As I have learned from some of my grieving friends (who have lost actual people in their lives), it is not something I can go around.  It is something I have to go through.  So onward I go, thankful that my heart and soul knew enough to stop me from looking forward until I took care of some unfinished business behind me.

Dory from Finding Nemo

Have you seen the movie Finding Nemo?  There’s a fish named Dori in the movie.  Terrible short term memory – long on friendship.  When the going seemed long or hard, she would start singing, “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming; just keep…” (Click this to hear it, then click back to read on Just Keep Swimming Sound Clip and Quote .

Cheryl and the girls have their routine, and I have one of sorts.  It’s called waiting by the phone!  Actually, I am doing temp work with Accountemps and hoping that something comes through soon from the myriad of applications I have put out.  There are days when it just seems like the answers are not coming and the road has no end while the resources for living show their finititude.

It is into this reality that the Lord speaks this words, “Just keep moving.”  I am convinced He is with us on the journey, even if I do not see the cloud pillar ahead.  I look for the fire in the night and it does not appear.  It all seems more about the whisper of his presence.

So we keep moving.  We are looking at the options for our house.  I am looking at new leads for a job.  We will just keep moving and pray that just around the next turn is an oasis or a long-term parking spot.

Change is usually difficult, but the plan for us to move from where we are back to Fresno has proven particularly hard.   We have invested 10 years in relationships and ministry here.  The girls have lived longer here than anywhere else.  They are pretty much Oregonian.  They even have the webs and rust to prove it.  Over the weekend, one of the kids lost it just thinking about all we were leaving behind. 

Thanks to a colleague in ministry, I have been able to get some perspective and even sense some excitement growing about our move.  Mark Batterson of National Community Church in Washington D.C. writes for Evotional.  As I was catching up on his reflections, three of them stuck out and I turned them into one word “hooks” to remind me of God’s work at this time.

1. EXPECTATION – God has a good work for us to do and he will bring us to it – Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
2. ANTICIPATION – God is not going to repeat history; he is going to create it and show us new things – Isaiah 43:19, “Do not dwell on the former things; do not think on the past.  Behold, I am doing a new thing.  Even now, it is springing up.  Do you not perceive it?”
3. CONFIDENCE – While we have yet to see everything come to be, in the Father, it is as good as done – Joshua 6:2, “See I have already given Jericho into your hands…”  God said this to Joshua before the battle had even been fought and the walls come tumlbin’ down.

There is a house to sell and jobs to find.  There is how we want things and how they will come about.  We continue to seek God’s favor, with a confidence that He will act on our behalf.

If you think about it, please pray with us.  This new adventure is not without its fears and temptations to doubt.  I still wonder what is up and what will come of all this.  Since no one call tell us our future, we trust God to lead us into it with care and power.  The journey continues…with expectation!

It’s official.  As of June 30, I will no longer be the pastor at North Park Church.  Not only that, but we have put our house up for sale and will be returning to California.

It all seems so surreal.  At the beginning of 2010, I had some sense that change was coming, but this is not how I saw it playing out.  I figured on seeing where we went as a congregation this year and if some of the changes we were talking about would help us minister more effectively.  I realized sooner than later that what I had to offer here was not really helping.  It’s time for someone with a different set of gifts to lead the church forward.

That makes it all sad.  Still, there is an anticipation building as we look at our options in Fresno.  My wife’s parents may need more of our time as they both deal with or recover from cancer treatments.  Both of us have our family there, so we would be closer to them.  I could play more golf with my brothers.

We will miss our friends here.  We have built some wonderful friendships, some which feel as close as family. 

Will I still pastor?  Maybe not in a formal role.  You can’t just return to a locality and step into a paid position. (Well you can, then it’s called a God-thing…)  Both Cheryl and I will be looking for work.  Our prayer right now is that the Lord help us finish well here so that we move on well.

It’s time for moving on…